Livebloggeroo!!!! Cincinnati/Rutgers

Quarter 2

END OF HALF- Good going, Rutgers. You're holding UC to a touchdown in the first half. You're beating them in the turnover ratio. BUT. Your offense isnt' doing much. You're benefitting from Cincy's mistakes more than creating your own opportunities. We'll see how this goes. jerks. Where huh!

1:47- And they profile Byrd, of the UC defense. Talk about his size, hometown, blah blah blah. I can tell you what you need to know. He's a showboat and undisciplined. I don't like him.

1:56- This is NFL Blitz yardage. C'mon, Brian Kelly. Don't be a wuss. Go for it. Nope, he punts. Just like he's playing Madden. Pussy.

OFFICIAL REVIEW: The ball was underthrown (the bionics are breaking down!) and the receiver had to slide to catch it. Bob Davie thinks it's a catch. I'll go with Bob, who inspired me to talk about bionics during a football game. I love you Bob.

My guess: There's no indisputable evidence, really. So I'll say the call is upheld. But I'm wrong. 4th and 30 at UC's 36. Dick.

1:56- 3rd and 30, Mauk goes back. Guess what he does? Throws deep. First down. Now it's under review.

3:11- Jason McCordy gets called for pass interference. Earlier his brother caught an introduction. Mrs. McCordy must choose which child to keep.

3:28- Ramsey, in order to make up for earlier fumble, receives the kickoff and pulls a herd along with him for a three yard gain. You know, the more defenders you attract to you to gain that extra yardage, the more chances they have of stripping the ball. Stop it.

3:28- Apparently, Mrs. Ray'R made the joke that they'll be serving Rice at the Heisman award dinner. While I respect the original pun, the law of punnery states that a pun becomes less funny the longer it lives. The more times I hear that joke by ESPN and other sports outlets, the more I think of euthanasia. ESPN, please do the moral thing and let Mama R have her baby live!

3:32- Cincy, who now has 11 people on the field, couldn't stop Ray'R from driving in for a touchdown. RUTGER 17- CINCY 7

4:04- On the six yard line, Ray'R finally gets some blockers and runs to the 1. Next play, tries to run to the sideline, no gain (maybe a loss). Nakamura, he of the many blackbelts, stops him. Maybe I was wrong about him. Nah, they got called for 12 men on the field. Nevermind.

4:32- Ahhh. This is the Bearcats team I grew up with. We'll stop you, and cheat too! Ray'R stuffed, tackled, and draws the facemask. Go Bearcats!

5:22- After a nice pass up the middle for a first, Rutgers is at Cincy's 15. First down, no gain. C'mon, block for Ray'R. You blocked for Jabu!

6:33- Teel sacked by Smith. Byrd loses his helmet. That's a metaphor.

7:57- Teel to Brown, 19 yard game. Tim Brown has been having a good game. Granted, he's opposite Nakamura for the game, who gets good INTs, but is not a standout CB otherwise.

8:41- A nice throw by Teel puts Rutgers at midfield. Then Ray'R runs again for little gain. No blockers, man. No blockers.

9:42- It seems like Rutgers are confused on offense, despite their lead. Ray'R hasn't shown his Heismaninity, Teel got pulled for a third RB, and so far they've only put up 3 points of offense.

10:37- Rutgers at their own 20 yard line, Teel throws for a sixteen yard game. Bring back Jabu!

10:45- Mauk throws for a long gain. Then Ramsey fumbled on the next play. Sloppy. Sloppy. Bastards.

10:51- 3rd and 9, Mauk in the shotgun....timeout. By the way, Bob Davie is announcing the game. hoorah.

11:22- Rush yards thus far: Cincy 45, Rutgers 8. That sounds odd. Jabu needs to be back in the game.

12:00- The one thing that has been killing Rutgers is when UC goes into the no-huddle. That's where the last touchdown came from, and they're in it right now and moving downfield (when they're not making false starts, of course). Mauk throws for a short pass, first down at the 43.

13:00- ESPN shows an update from the ND/UCLA game. ND couldn't drive it into the endzone from 1 yard away. Then they mention that UC's getting Demetrius Jones. You have no idea how awesome it feels to be getting the detritus from the mighty Notre Dame. Too bad we don't need him. We have Tony Pike.

13:03- Rutgers in the red zone. Two incomplete passes to the endzone. 30 some yard field goal attempt....good. RUTGERS 10- CINCY 7

14:oo- Wait...Teel's back. And he's throwing. I don't know what they're doing with the QB thing. I think they just want a three RB thing going on.

15:00- Lovelace isn't trusted to throw the ball. First they ask him to run. Then the direct snap to Ray'R. Now, the second snap he gets, he runs.


Quarter 1

END OF QUARTER- I don't know why they pulled Teel, I think he just got benched. But now is Ray'R's time to shine! And son of Xena too. Good start to the game. Both offenses are starting to warm up. The defenses, though, are very spotty. Great takeaways, with some solid stands, but the secondaries have shown some holes.

0:15- Ray Rice runs all through Cincy's D-line. By the way, he's in line for the Heisman. But so was that QB from Louisville. And Kentucky. So I'm not going to mention it again until Rutgers actually beats someone (and stops losing to Maryland).

1:45- Rutgers at midfield after a Ray Rice Run (trademarked). Rice runs up the middle, 3 yard gain. Gotta admit, the guy is growing on me. And he's from the same town as Richard Roundtree!

2:19- Jabu Lovelace (son of Xena) is in to QB for Rutgers. Shotgun snap, gives himself the ball (like Xena would), runs for a first down.

3:08- The announcers talk gushingly about the "abs of steel" and "six packs" on the Bearcats' team. And you think I'm the one using sensual language.

3:14- Back from the timeout, Mauk to Goodman, falling backwards into the endzone, the safety is all over his body, hands rubbing his belly sensuously....TOUCHDOWN!!!! Pass interference (and sexy touching) called on the defense, but it's declined. RUTGERS 7- CINCY 7

IN OTHER GAMES- Notre Dame is losing to UCLA. Go figure.

3:31- Mauk goes deep, thirty yard TD pass....broken up in the end zone. It's like they knew he's throw a bomb at that point... Oh well, next play, he runs for a first down. Mauk Mauk!

4:23- Converted 3rd down attempt...on a run. The humans are fighting back.

4:45- "They have to run the ball at some point." Yeah, but there are no cyborgs at fullback anymore. Not after the Ohio Robot Running Act of '45.

4:52- Hey, look! He does it again! If I were Rutgers' defensive coordinator, I'd be seeing a pattern!

4:54- Mauk goes back for a fifty yard, Brett Favre pass. Nobody near. The bionic arm is taking over.

ANALYSIS THUS FAR- What the hell happened to the offense? Neither team is really showing the influence that Louisville has had on the Big East. C'mon!

5:04- Mauk steps back, throws a short pass, intercepted by Devin McCorty, runs back from a touchdown. Not tits. Rutgers 7- Cincy 0

6:15- Cincy ball on the 35. Run up the middle. Stuffed. Ben Mauk would have gotten 30 yards with his bionic feet.

6:41- 3rd and 8. Rutgers qb goes back. Basic screen pass. Fail!

7:16- Wait... Rutgers has the ball at the 26 somehow. What happened? I was too busy talking about fucking Connor Barwin.

7:21- Third down, incomplete pass to...Connor Barwin!!!! The last white person to play on the Bearcats since Bobby Brannen.

7:40- Mauk goes back to pass, Rutgers brings in the blitz. He had more time than Romo to throw. Scramble, scramble, scramble. Juke, jive, wail. Missed tackle and missed tackle. Throw the ball! Incomplete. good job.

7:54- Rutgers stuck on the 1, fourth down, suicide punt. 40 yard punt, taken to the 30. Damn, no tits.

9:24- Rice gets the ball, pushed backwards, nearly a safety. Near tits.

9:24- Brian Kelly said that the punter is the MVP of the Bearcats. Uh oh.

9:24- They keep showing Chad Johnson on the Go Daddy.com commericals. Danica Patrick is also their sponsor. Ben Roethlisberger does Big Heads. Of these three, who has won something important? I guess sponsors DO matter.

10:00- Third down and long. Shotgun spread. Sack! Fourth down, Cincy punts (bastards), downed on the 1 yard line. Tits.

10:52- Angelo Craig takes the ball out of the receivers hands. Interception a la mode! And that explains why Cincy leads the nation in turnovers.

11:57- Ray Rice ransacked in the rear! No gain. Then he introduces the team! But he switches up the letters. Doesn't want to show off.

12:04- Scratch that. I got confused. 4 and 1, run the ball at midfield. No gain. Rutgers ball. Balls.

12:11- And he can run! First down! And Rutgers calls a timeout.

13:3o- Sacktastic! Just as they talk about Miracle Mauk, the O-line lets him down. No worries, his robotic arm can't be stopped. Next play, twelve yard pass.

14:05- 3rd and 18, what do you do? Mauk to Gilliard, first down.

14:11- Second delay of game penalty on the Bearcats. Well played, Jersey. We know your time runs on metric time here, but it takes awhile to get used to it.

14:53- Ha! Cincy had Kevin Youkilis, of Red Sox fame, to introduce the team. Rutgers had Devin Foster. Where dat.

14:56- Cincy receives the kickoff, starts at their own 25 or so. They keep talking about his bionic arm or some garbage. We don't discriminate the robotic race.

15:00- "Both these teams looking for validation." You're damn right, announcer.

15:00- The estimated attendance of the game is 43,ooo. Nippert Stadium in Cincinnati holds 34,ooo. Together, these two teams' stadiums holds 75% of Ohio State's Stadium. Powerhouse!


Pre-game Background Check- Get to know your Cincinnati Bearcats:

1) The Bearcats have not been ranked since 1976 when my dad attended there. That's an entire generation without a ranking. Now that's history.

2) I was there when the Bearcats beat Wisconsin in 1999. Ron Dayne gained 200 some yards on a sprained ankle, hopped up on bug juice. Suckers.

3) Cincinnati is ranked and undefeated. I don't feel comfortable with that.

Now, Rutgers!

1) Rutgers is the birthplace of American football. The Middle East is the birthplace of civilization. There ya go.

2) Rutgers lost to Cincy last year. I watched the game from my apartment in West Virginia. It was the last time I cried.

3) Ray Rice is the most alliterative running back in all of college football.

Howdy. My name is Jason. Cliff asked me to post some crap on his blog, oh, about two weeks ago. So here I am, just in time for the matchup of the week.....LSU/Florida!!!! Nah, just kidding. I'm doing UC/Rutgers, the Bearcats vs. the Scarlet Knights, Ohio Pride and New Jersey Black Hole.

I don't really know any of the players names, nor do I have a strong grasp of the rules of football, but I'm here to prove Cliff wrong.

Pre-game prediction: Bearcats 60-Rutgers 4.

(Note: I am a lifelong Bearcats fan, having attended their football games since I was nine. So there's the bias)