Quarter 4
FINAL- CINCINNATI 28- RUTGERS 23. Good game.
1:07- 3rd and 5. Greg Moore runs...for a first down. Game over. Praise be to God. The chains confirm the first down. BEARCATS WIN!!!! All is right with the world.
1:07- Mauk...passes? Fair enough. Pass is caught for a few yards. My dad screams, "Stay in bounds you dumbass!" He listened. Rutgers is out of timeouts now.
1:15- Rutgers has one timeout left. Cincy is on their second down. The Rutgers fans are streaming out of the stadium. Beauty is found.
1:19- INTERCEPTION BY MANALAC!!!! THIRD INTERCEPTION BY THEM TONIGHT. Perfect. Teel blows it again! Jabu wouldn't have thrown. He would have run for the touchdown. Jabu needs justice!!!!!
1:44- Tim Brown catches a tipped pass, gains a first down. He's got a better case than Ray'R does for Heisman tonight.
2:03- Straight pass for twenty yards. DeAngelo Smith wrestles with him to the ground. First down.
2:13- Teel's repeating from last week. Starting at their own twenty, two minute drill, need a touchdown to score. Rice a la flambe for a first down to their own 43.
2:13- Cincy's MVP, their punter, boots it nicely to within the ten, but it bounces into the endzone. Damn that would have been sweet.
2:24- Moore up the middle for a short gain. Timeout by Rutgers, who have two remaining. 3rd and 4 on their own 48. Short screen broken up. Fuck me. They're punting.
3:26- Cincy's at the point where they're sitting on the line, wasting time. That is a good sign. Ramsey up the middle for a short gain.
4:00- Short pass to Moore. First down? Maybe. Jason McCordy stops him. That twin will not be killed in the sacrifice. First down!
4:44- I think Bob's running out of stuff to talk about. This is the fifth mention of Mauk's arm troubles and his multiple pins this half. He's probably on repeat at this point. Like a parrot. Or Dr. Sbaitso.
4:53- Ray'R's out, so guess what? PASS. Teel's pass is....deflected and almost intercepted. Dear God, you're playing with my heart. Punt goes into the end zone for a net punt of 21 yards. Smart move there, Schiano. Show some guts.
5:45- I'm not the only one making the rice jokes. Cue Bob Davie! Now if only there were bionic rice...
6:50- Ray'R gains six. Oh noes!!! He's gaining steam in his wooden steam basket!
7:00- Ruters starts from their own 37. Ray'R gets a first down. Menu up!
7:00- Mauk fumbles. He will be our ruin during the Golden Age. Life is over. Fuck you Mauk.
7:30- Mauk runs. He gains. He will save us from ourself when the world ends. Mauk Mauk.
8:50- I think Moore, of the running back by groupthink, had a better day than Ray'R. I'll check that later.
9:48- Moore in motion, rolls to his right, short pass, nice first down.
10:00- Ito kicks a field goal. It-o. RUTGERS 23- CINCY 28
10:05- Teel tries to be Mauk and fails. BUT, Tolbert, free safety for the Bearcats, did manage to knock out DeAngelo Smith, his own teammate. Good play.
10:43- 2nd down and 5 from Cincy's 25. Nakamura, he of the many blackbelts, makes a nice open field tackle against Ray'R. Dinner is served.
10:43- Brian Kelly calls his last timeout of the half. Why? Only God knows. And even he's confused. Omniscient and confused. Think about it. It's a riddle.
11:50- But he can catch. Ray'R gets a huge gain from a short reception.
12:45- Ray'R stuffed for a loss. Before this drive , he was 27 carries for 71 yards. Not a good day.
13:00- Jabu! Runs for a first down. Keep him in! The Xena attack hasn't failed you yet. Do it for the children.
14:30- Dubious reception by Rutgers, but whatever. It's a pity call.
15:00- Ray'R runs! Really far! For him today, at least.
Quarter 3
END OF QUARTER- Man, that was exciting. 30 seconds can make a huge difference. Tits.
0:28- Mauk goes deep to Gilyard...again. Touchdown. RUTGERS 20- CINCY 28
Fun fact about Gilyard: Slept in his car last year. I like his style. I would make a New Jersey mechanic joke, but it's too easy.
0:33- Put in Jabu! Teel intercepted by Revels. Jabu cries.
0:48- Holding? On a kickoff? That NEVER happens! Well refs, you've given Rutgers their necessary penalty. Now you can continue to shit on the Bearcats.
0:52- Barnett up the middle. TOUCHDOWN! Tits. RUTGERS 20- CINCY 21
1:30- Cincy lines up with not enough men on the line of scrimmage. Call a timeout. Holy fuck, guys, c'mon! You weren't making this many mistakes against San Diego State, the powerhouse of the Mountain West Conference. What's going on?
1:30- 2nd and goal, Mauk sticks to his legs and goes to the two. Trust yourself, Mauk. You can beat them by yourself.
2:01- HAHA! Gameclock turned back. Cincy lines up. False start! Great concentration dudes. And....my dad goes livid. Lifelong Bearcats fan.
1:57- Odd play. Handoff from Mauk, Moore drives to the 1, fumbles forward, picked up by Cincy. Touchdown! Or is it? The review looks like he was down at the one. Damn.
2:11- Mauk finds Gilyard again thirty yards away. He's open, high pass. Caught. First down.
3:15- Dear lord, Mauk throws a beautiful 50 yard pass to Gilyard, who catches it and drops it. The cybernetics wins again.
Oh Haruki. Your ninja powers wouldn't let you get that interception? You shame your city and your coach. But I still love you.
3:30- Near interception. Bring out the field goal unit! it's good. RUTGERS 20- CINCY 14
3:40- Teel chucks it into the endzone. Broken up by...Nakamura, he of the many blackbelts.
4:38- Jabu returns! First down. Apparently that's a single wing offense. I'll call it the Xena attack. I know football.
4:57- Ray'R has a positive run for once! And he nearly gets a first down. He about doubled his rush stats with that four yard gain.
5:38- Tim Brown is the unsung hero of the Rutgers offense. The little man went up. First down on the Rutgers 20.
5:53- 3rd and ten at their own twenty, Underwood receives the short pass and gains about twenty, thanks to an uncalled block to the back. Ballsack
6:39- Rice gets stuffed. Give it up to the Bearcats' defense. They've taken Ray'R off the menu. Lolz
7:04- Who's got the ball? Oh yeah, UC. Punt! Almost downed on the 1 yard line, but the greased pig jumped over the UC defender. Balls.
USC lost. Booty. Back to the game.
Brief intermission as I watch the end of the Stanford/USC game
HOLY SHIT: Stanford up 1 on USC with a minute left in the game. Holy shit, go trees.
8:53- 4th and 6, Rutgers punt from Cincy's 47. Punt lands on the 10, rolls toward the endzone with three Rutgers players chasing it, a dive and.....touchback. The greased pig got away.
OTHER SPORTS UPDATE: Cubs lost. Suck it, Cliff.
9:26- Tim Brown runs for a yard, gets drilled out of bounds, refs call a late hit penalty. Fucking bullshit. That was momentum, asshole. Mickens knocked himself out to get that late hit. Give him some credit.
9:33- Little side note- The last time the Bearcats were 5-0 was the same year my dad was born. The ciiiiircle of life (my dad's not dead, I just find this cyclical). Ray'R runs for a first down.
10:16- Hey, remember when you guys pulled the no-huddle offense and scored? Think it'll work again? Well, doesn't matter. Glatthaarr runs to the left and scores!!!! Ggllaatthhaarrrrrrrrrr!! Peter Saarsgaard, somewhere, is crying a tear of joy. RUTGERS 17- CINCY 14
10:30- They're going for it! QB sneak. Mauk's bionic arm throws him through the crowd for a first down.
10:30- Fourth and inches at the 6, ready for the quick run. Guess what? Let's call timeout to mull it over! As my dad says, "If you can't get six inches, you don't deserve to play." Another lifelong Bearcats fan.
11:10- Redzone offense. Mauk throws high, close to a first down. 4th and 1. What to do, what to do?
12:25- Moore runs for a big gain up the middle, thirty yards. Nakamura blesses us all!
12:45- Teel throws deep. Nakamura interception! Jabu wouldn't have thrown the ball. Food for thought, Rutgers.
13:35- Jabu's back! And he runs for 3 yards. And now Teel's back. I like this scheme.
14:30- Teel goes deep on 2nd and long. Twenty yard gain or so. Ball at midfield.
15:00- Opening kickoff to Rutgers. Halftime stats: 20 yards rushing for Rutgers. Ray'r isn't having a Heisman game thus far.
HALFTIME STORY TIME
Like I said, I've been a lifelong Cincy football fan. That's kinda like saying I enjoy mediocrity for a living. I mean, I could root for OSU, but then again, I could be a douchebag as well. It's a lifestyle choice. Don't persecute me for my beliefs.
I attended UC's last home game, a beatdown of Marshall. It was the first time that Nippert Stadium had been sold out in decades. Well, at least sold out for a college football game. That stadium sells out all the time for minor league amateur football (I mean high school ball) all the time. But it really was something special to see 33,000 people at Nippert. And to root for the Bearcats too! There were even students attending! They get in for free, so I know how difficult it is to go to a game that occurs right in the middle of campus. It was nice to see commitment.
I arrived in the second quarter of the game. Oktoberfest Zinzinnati took precedent over a football game for me. When I arrived, I received a shirt saying, "Come Early, Wear Black, Be Loud." I wore gray and was silent/unconscious. I'm a great fan. It wasn't much of a game, which is a complete shame because I lived in the middle of Marshall territory until recently and really wanted to at least see them do well. But no. I sat under the nice awning, talked to my relatives, drank some beer, and then went to play Guitar Hero. On the way out, I stumbled and knocked over a pile of chairs. It was a good night.
Anyway, my point of this is: even if UC doesn't win the game, I'll still have my hazy memories of them beating sub par teams. Where huh, Bearcats. Where huh.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Livebloggeroo!!!! Cincinnati/Rutgers
Quarter 2
END OF HALF- Good going, Rutgers. You're holding UC to a touchdown in the first half. You're beating them in the turnover ratio. BUT. Your offense isnt' doing much. You're benefitting from Cincy's mistakes more than creating your own opportunities. We'll see how this goes. jerks. Where huh!
1:47- And they profile Byrd, of the UC defense. Talk about his size, hometown, blah blah blah. I can tell you what you need to know. He's a showboat and undisciplined. I don't like him.
1:56- This is NFL Blitz yardage. C'mon, Brian Kelly. Don't be a wuss. Go for it. Nope, he punts. Just like he's playing Madden. Pussy.
OFFICIAL REVIEW: The ball was underthrown (the bionics are breaking down!) and the receiver had to slide to catch it. Bob Davie thinks it's a catch. I'll go with Bob, who inspired me to talk about bionics during a football game. I love you Bob.
My guess: There's no indisputable evidence, really. So I'll say the call is upheld. But I'm wrong. 4th and 30 at UC's 36. Dick.
1:56- 3rd and 30, Mauk goes back. Guess what he does? Throws deep. First down. Now it's under review.
3:11- Jason McCordy gets called for pass interference. Earlier his brother caught an introduction. Mrs. McCordy must choose which child to keep.
3:28- Ramsey, in order to make up for earlier fumble, receives the kickoff and pulls a herd along with him for a three yard gain. You know, the more defenders you attract to you to gain that extra yardage, the more chances they have of stripping the ball. Stop it.
3:28- Apparently, Mrs. Ray'R made the joke that they'll be serving Rice at the Heisman award dinner. While I respect the original pun, the law of punnery states that a pun becomes less funny the longer it lives. The more times I hear that joke by ESPN and other sports outlets, the more I think of euthanasia. ESPN, please do the moral thing and let Mama R have her baby live!
3:32- Cincy, who now has 11 people on the field, couldn't stop Ray'R from driving in for a touchdown. RUTGER 17- CINCY 7
4:04- On the six yard line, Ray'R finally gets some blockers and runs to the 1. Next play, tries to run to the sideline, no gain (maybe a loss). Nakamura, he of the many blackbelts, stops him. Maybe I was wrong about him. Nah, they got called for 12 men on the field. Nevermind.
4:32- Ahhh. This is the Bearcats team I grew up with. We'll stop you, and cheat too! Ray'R stuffed, tackled, and draws the facemask. Go Bearcats!
5:22- After a nice pass up the middle for a first, Rutgers is at Cincy's 15. First down, no gain. C'mon, block for Ray'R. You blocked for Jabu!
6:33- Teel sacked by Smith. Byrd loses his helmet. That's a metaphor.
7:57- Teel to Brown, 19 yard game. Tim Brown has been having a good game. Granted, he's opposite Nakamura for the game, who gets good INTs, but is not a standout CB otherwise.
8:41- A nice throw by Teel puts Rutgers at midfield. Then Ray'R runs again for little gain. No blockers, man. No blockers.
9:42- It seems like Rutgers are confused on offense, despite their lead. Ray'R hasn't shown his Heismaninity, Teel got pulled for a third RB, and so far they've only put up 3 points of offense.
10:37- Rutgers at their own 20 yard line, Teel throws for a sixteen yard game. Bring back Jabu!
10:45- Mauk throws for a long gain. Then Ramsey fumbled on the next play. Sloppy. Sloppy. Bastards.
10:51- 3rd and 9, Mauk in the shotgun....timeout. By the way, Bob Davie is announcing the game. hoorah.
11:22- Rush yards thus far: Cincy 45, Rutgers 8. That sounds odd. Jabu needs to be back in the game.
12:00- The one thing that has been killing Rutgers is when UC goes into the no-huddle. That's where the last touchdown came from, and they're in it right now and moving downfield (when they're not making false starts, of course). Mauk throws for a short pass, first down at the 43.
13:00- ESPN shows an update from the ND/UCLA game. ND couldn't drive it into the endzone from 1 yard away. Then they mention that UC's getting Demetrius Jones. You have no idea how awesome it feels to be getting the detritus from the mighty Notre Dame. Too bad we don't need him. We have Tony Pike.
13:03- Rutgers in the red zone. Two incomplete passes to the endzone. 30 some yard field goal attempt....good. RUTGERS 10- CINCY 7
14:oo- Wait...Teel's back. And he's throwing. I don't know what they're doing with the QB thing. I think they just want a three RB thing going on.
15:00- Lovelace isn't trusted to throw the ball. First they ask him to run. Then the direct snap to Ray'R. Now, the second snap he gets, he runs.
Quarter 1
END OF QUARTER- I don't know why they pulled Teel, I think he just got benched. But now is Ray'R's time to shine! And son of Xena too. Good start to the game. Both offenses are starting to warm up. The defenses, though, are very spotty. Great takeaways, with some solid stands, but the secondaries have shown some holes.
0:15- Ray Rice runs all through Cincy's D-line. By the way, he's in line for the Heisman. But so was that QB from Louisville. And Kentucky. So I'm not going to mention it again until Rutgers actually beats someone (and stops losing to Maryland).
1:45- Rutgers at midfield after a Ray Rice Run (trademarked). Rice runs up the middle, 3 yard gain. Gotta admit, the guy is growing on me. And he's from the same town as Richard Roundtree!
2:19- Jabu Lovelace (son of Xena) is in to QB for Rutgers. Shotgun snap, gives himself the ball (like Xena would), runs for a first down.
3:08- The announcers talk gushingly about the "abs of steel" and "six packs" on the Bearcats' team. And you think I'm the one using sensual language.
3:14- Back from the timeout, Mauk to Goodman, falling backwards into the endzone, the safety is all over his body, hands rubbing his belly sensuously....TOUCHDOWN!!!! Pass interference (and sexy touching) called on the defense, but it's declined. RUTGERS 7- CINCY 7
IN OTHER GAMES- Notre Dame is losing to UCLA. Go figure.
3:31- Mauk goes deep, thirty yard TD pass....broken up in the end zone. It's like they knew he's throw a bomb at that point... Oh well, next play, he runs for a first down. Mauk Mauk!
4:23- Converted 3rd down attempt...on a run. The humans are fighting back.
4:45- "They have to run the ball at some point." Yeah, but there are no cyborgs at fullback anymore. Not after the Ohio Robot Running Act of '45.
4:52- Hey, look! He does it again! If I were Rutgers' defensive coordinator, I'd be seeing a pattern!
4:54- Mauk goes back for a fifty yard, Brett Favre pass. Nobody near. The bionic arm is taking over.
ANALYSIS THUS FAR- What the hell happened to the offense? Neither team is really showing the influence that Louisville has had on the Big East. C'mon!
5:04- Mauk steps back, throws a short pass, intercepted by Devin McCorty, runs back from a touchdown. Not tits. Rutgers 7- Cincy 0
6:15- Cincy ball on the 35. Run up the middle. Stuffed. Ben Mauk would have gotten 30 yards with his bionic feet.
6:41- 3rd and 8. Rutgers qb goes back. Basic screen pass. Fail!
7:16- Wait... Rutgers has the ball at the 26 somehow. What happened? I was too busy talking about fucking Connor Barwin.
7:21- Third down, incomplete pass to...Connor Barwin!!!! The last white person to play on the Bearcats since Bobby Brannen.
7:40- Mauk goes back to pass, Rutgers brings in the blitz. He had more time than Romo to throw. Scramble, scramble, scramble. Juke, jive, wail. Missed tackle and missed tackle. Throw the ball! Incomplete. good job.
7:54- Rutgers stuck on the 1, fourth down, suicide punt. 40 yard punt, taken to the 30. Damn, no tits.
9:24- Rice gets the ball, pushed backwards, nearly a safety. Near tits.
9:24- Brian Kelly said that the punter is the MVP of the Bearcats. Uh oh.
9:24- They keep showing Chad Johnson on the Go Daddy.com commericals. Danica Patrick is also their sponsor. Ben Roethlisberger does Big Heads. Of these three, who has won something important? I guess sponsors DO matter.
10:00- Third down and long. Shotgun spread. Sack! Fourth down, Cincy punts (bastards), downed on the 1 yard line. Tits.
10:52- Angelo Craig takes the ball out of the receivers hands. Interception a la mode! And that explains why Cincy leads the nation in turnovers.
11:57- Ray Rice ransacked in the rear! No gain. Then he introduces the team! But he switches up the letters. Doesn't want to show off.
12:04- Scratch that. I got confused. 4 and 1, run the ball at midfield. No gain. Rutgers ball. Balls.
12:11- And he can run! First down! And Rutgers calls a timeout.
13:3o- Sacktastic! Just as they talk about Miracle Mauk, the O-line lets him down. No worries, his robotic arm can't be stopped. Next play, twelve yard pass.
14:05- 3rd and 18, what do you do? Mauk to Gilliard, first down.
14:11- Second delay of game penalty on the Bearcats. Well played, Jersey. We know your time runs on metric time here, but it takes awhile to get used to it.
14:53- Ha! Cincy had Kevin Youkilis, of Red Sox fame, to introduce the team. Rutgers had Devin Foster. Where dat.
14:56- Cincy receives the kickoff, starts at their own 25 or so. They keep talking about his bionic arm or some garbage. We don't discriminate the robotic race.
15:00- "Both these teams looking for validation." You're damn right, announcer.
15:00- The estimated attendance of the game is 43,ooo. Nippert Stadium in Cincinnati holds 34,ooo. Together, these two teams' stadiums holds 75% of Ohio State's Stadium. Powerhouse!
Pre-game Background Check- Get to know your Cincinnati Bearcats:
1) The Bearcats have not been ranked since 1976 when my dad attended there. That's an entire generation without a ranking. Now that's history.
2) I was there when the Bearcats beat Wisconsin in 1999. Ron Dayne gained 200 some yards on a sprained ankle, hopped up on bug juice. Suckers.
3) Cincinnati is ranked and undefeated. I don't feel comfortable with that.
Now, Rutgers!
1) Rutgers is the birthplace of American football. The Middle East is the birthplace of civilization. There ya go.
2) Rutgers lost to Cincy last year. I watched the game from my apartment in West Virginia. It was the last time I cried.
3) Ray Rice is the most alliterative running back in all of college football.
Howdy. My name is Jason. Cliff asked me to post some crap on his blog, oh, about two weeks ago. So here I am, just in time for the matchup of the week.....LSU/Florida!!!! Nah, just kidding. I'm doing UC/Rutgers, the Bearcats vs. the Scarlet Knights, Ohio Pride and New Jersey Black Hole.
I don't really know any of the players names, nor do I have a strong grasp of the rules of football, but I'm here to prove Cliff wrong.
Pre-game prediction: Bearcats 60-Rutgers 4.
(Note: I am a lifelong Bearcats fan, having attended their football games since I was nine. So there's the bias)
END OF HALF- Good going, Rutgers. You're holding UC to a touchdown in the first half. You're beating them in the turnover ratio. BUT. Your offense isnt' doing much. You're benefitting from Cincy's mistakes more than creating your own opportunities. We'll see how this goes. jerks. Where huh!
1:47- And they profile Byrd, of the UC defense. Talk about his size, hometown, blah blah blah. I can tell you what you need to know. He's a showboat and undisciplined. I don't like him.
1:56- This is NFL Blitz yardage. C'mon, Brian Kelly. Don't be a wuss. Go for it. Nope, he punts. Just like he's playing Madden. Pussy.
OFFICIAL REVIEW: The ball was underthrown (the bionics are breaking down!) and the receiver had to slide to catch it. Bob Davie thinks it's a catch. I'll go with Bob, who inspired me to talk about bionics during a football game. I love you Bob.
My guess: There's no indisputable evidence, really. So I'll say the call is upheld. But I'm wrong. 4th and 30 at UC's 36. Dick.
1:56- 3rd and 30, Mauk goes back. Guess what he does? Throws deep. First down. Now it's under review.
3:11- Jason McCordy gets called for pass interference. Earlier his brother caught an introduction. Mrs. McCordy must choose which child to keep.
3:28- Ramsey, in order to make up for earlier fumble, receives the kickoff and pulls a herd along with him for a three yard gain. You know, the more defenders you attract to you to gain that extra yardage, the more chances they have of stripping the ball. Stop it.
3:28- Apparently, Mrs. Ray'R made the joke that they'll be serving Rice at the Heisman award dinner. While I respect the original pun, the law of punnery states that a pun becomes less funny the longer it lives. The more times I hear that joke by ESPN and other sports outlets, the more I think of euthanasia. ESPN, please do the moral thing and let Mama R have her baby live!
3:32- Cincy, who now has 11 people on the field, couldn't stop Ray'R from driving in for a touchdown. RUTGER 17- CINCY 7
4:04- On the six yard line, Ray'R finally gets some blockers and runs to the 1. Next play, tries to run to the sideline, no gain (maybe a loss). Nakamura, he of the many blackbelts, stops him. Maybe I was wrong about him. Nah, they got called for 12 men on the field. Nevermind.
4:32- Ahhh. This is the Bearcats team I grew up with. We'll stop you, and cheat too! Ray'R stuffed, tackled, and draws the facemask. Go Bearcats!
5:22- After a nice pass up the middle for a first, Rutgers is at Cincy's 15. First down, no gain. C'mon, block for Ray'R. You blocked for Jabu!
6:33- Teel sacked by Smith. Byrd loses his helmet. That's a metaphor.
7:57- Teel to Brown, 19 yard game. Tim Brown has been having a good game. Granted, he's opposite Nakamura for the game, who gets good INTs, but is not a standout CB otherwise.
8:41- A nice throw by Teel puts Rutgers at midfield. Then Ray'R runs again for little gain. No blockers, man. No blockers.
9:42- It seems like Rutgers are confused on offense, despite their lead. Ray'R hasn't shown his Heismaninity, Teel got pulled for a third RB, and so far they've only put up 3 points of offense.
10:37- Rutgers at their own 20 yard line, Teel throws for a sixteen yard game. Bring back Jabu!
10:45- Mauk throws for a long gain. Then Ramsey fumbled on the next play. Sloppy. Sloppy. Bastards.
10:51- 3rd and 9, Mauk in the shotgun....timeout. By the way, Bob Davie is announcing the game. hoorah.
11:22- Rush yards thus far: Cincy 45, Rutgers 8. That sounds odd. Jabu needs to be back in the game.
12:00- The one thing that has been killing Rutgers is when UC goes into the no-huddle. That's where the last touchdown came from, and they're in it right now and moving downfield (when they're not making false starts, of course). Mauk throws for a short pass, first down at the 43.
13:00- ESPN shows an update from the ND/UCLA game. ND couldn't drive it into the endzone from 1 yard away. Then they mention that UC's getting Demetrius Jones. You have no idea how awesome it feels to be getting the detritus from the mighty Notre Dame. Too bad we don't need him. We have Tony Pike.
13:03- Rutgers in the red zone. Two incomplete passes to the endzone. 30 some yard field goal attempt....good. RUTGERS 10- CINCY 7
14:oo- Wait...Teel's back. And he's throwing. I don't know what they're doing with the QB thing. I think they just want a three RB thing going on.
15:00- Lovelace isn't trusted to throw the ball. First they ask him to run. Then the direct snap to Ray'R. Now, the second snap he gets, he runs.
Quarter 1
END OF QUARTER- I don't know why they pulled Teel, I think he just got benched. But now is Ray'R's time to shine! And son of Xena too. Good start to the game. Both offenses are starting to warm up. The defenses, though, are very spotty. Great takeaways, with some solid stands, but the secondaries have shown some holes.
0:15- Ray Rice runs all through Cincy's D-line. By the way, he's in line for the Heisman. But so was that QB from Louisville. And Kentucky. So I'm not going to mention it again until Rutgers actually beats someone (and stops losing to Maryland).
1:45- Rutgers at midfield after a Ray Rice Run (trademarked). Rice runs up the middle, 3 yard gain. Gotta admit, the guy is growing on me. And he's from the same town as Richard Roundtree!
2:19- Jabu Lovelace (son of Xena) is in to QB for Rutgers. Shotgun snap, gives himself the ball (like Xena would), runs for a first down.
3:08- The announcers talk gushingly about the "abs of steel" and "six packs" on the Bearcats' team. And you think I'm the one using sensual language.
3:14- Back from the timeout, Mauk to Goodman, falling backwards into the endzone, the safety is all over his body, hands rubbing his belly sensuously....TOUCHDOWN!!!! Pass interference (and sexy touching) called on the defense, but it's declined. RUTGERS 7- CINCY 7
IN OTHER GAMES- Notre Dame is losing to UCLA. Go figure.
3:31- Mauk goes deep, thirty yard TD pass....broken up in the end zone. It's like they knew he's throw a bomb at that point... Oh well, next play, he runs for a first down. Mauk Mauk!
4:23- Converted 3rd down attempt...on a run. The humans are fighting back.
4:45- "They have to run the ball at some point." Yeah, but there are no cyborgs at fullback anymore. Not after the Ohio Robot Running Act of '45.
4:52- Hey, look! He does it again! If I were Rutgers' defensive coordinator, I'd be seeing a pattern!
4:54- Mauk goes back for a fifty yard, Brett Favre pass. Nobody near. The bionic arm is taking over.
ANALYSIS THUS FAR- What the hell happened to the offense? Neither team is really showing the influence that Louisville has had on the Big East. C'mon!
5:04- Mauk steps back, throws a short pass, intercepted by Devin McCorty, runs back from a touchdown. Not tits. Rutgers 7- Cincy 0
6:15- Cincy ball on the 35. Run up the middle. Stuffed. Ben Mauk would have gotten 30 yards with his bionic feet.
6:41- 3rd and 8. Rutgers qb goes back. Basic screen pass. Fail!
7:16- Wait... Rutgers has the ball at the 26 somehow. What happened? I was too busy talking about fucking Connor Barwin.
7:21- Third down, incomplete pass to...Connor Barwin!!!! The last white person to play on the Bearcats since Bobby Brannen.
7:40- Mauk goes back to pass, Rutgers brings in the blitz. He had more time than Romo to throw. Scramble, scramble, scramble. Juke, jive, wail. Missed tackle and missed tackle. Throw the ball! Incomplete. good job.
7:54- Rutgers stuck on the 1, fourth down, suicide punt. 40 yard punt, taken to the 30. Damn, no tits.
9:24- Rice gets the ball, pushed backwards, nearly a safety. Near tits.
9:24- Brian Kelly said that the punter is the MVP of the Bearcats. Uh oh.
9:24- They keep showing Chad Johnson on the Go Daddy.com commericals. Danica Patrick is also their sponsor. Ben Roethlisberger does Big Heads. Of these three, who has won something important? I guess sponsors DO matter.
10:00- Third down and long. Shotgun spread. Sack! Fourth down, Cincy punts (bastards), downed on the 1 yard line. Tits.
10:52- Angelo Craig takes the ball out of the receivers hands. Interception a la mode! And that explains why Cincy leads the nation in turnovers.
11:57- Ray Rice ransacked in the rear! No gain. Then he introduces the team! But he switches up the letters. Doesn't want to show off.
12:04- Scratch that. I got confused. 4 and 1, run the ball at midfield. No gain. Rutgers ball. Balls.
12:11- And he can run! First down! And Rutgers calls a timeout.
13:3o- Sacktastic! Just as they talk about Miracle Mauk, the O-line lets him down. No worries, his robotic arm can't be stopped. Next play, twelve yard pass.
14:05- 3rd and 18, what do you do? Mauk to Gilliard, first down.
14:11- Second delay of game penalty on the Bearcats. Well played, Jersey. We know your time runs on metric time here, but it takes awhile to get used to it.
14:53- Ha! Cincy had Kevin Youkilis, of Red Sox fame, to introduce the team. Rutgers had Devin Foster. Where dat.
14:56- Cincy receives the kickoff, starts at their own 25 or so. They keep talking about his bionic arm or some garbage. We don't discriminate the robotic race.
15:00- "Both these teams looking for validation." You're damn right, announcer.
15:00- The estimated attendance of the game is 43,ooo. Nippert Stadium in Cincinnati holds 34,ooo. Together, these two teams' stadiums holds 75% of Ohio State's Stadium. Powerhouse!
Pre-game Background Check- Get to know your Cincinnati Bearcats:
1) The Bearcats have not been ranked since 1976 when my dad attended there. That's an entire generation without a ranking. Now that's history.
2) I was there when the Bearcats beat Wisconsin in 1999. Ron Dayne gained 200 some yards on a sprained ankle, hopped up on bug juice. Suckers.
3) Cincinnati is ranked and undefeated. I don't feel comfortable with that.
Now, Rutgers!
1) Rutgers is the birthplace of American football. The Middle East is the birthplace of civilization. There ya go.
2) Rutgers lost to Cincy last year. I watched the game from my apartment in West Virginia. It was the last time I cried.
3) Ray Rice is the most alliterative running back in all of college football.
Howdy. My name is Jason. Cliff asked me to post some crap on his blog, oh, about two weeks ago. So here I am, just in time for the matchup of the week.....LSU/Florida!!!! Nah, just kidding. I'm doing UC/Rutgers, the Bearcats vs. the Scarlet Knights, Ohio Pride and New Jersey Black Hole.
I don't really know any of the players names, nor do I have a strong grasp of the rules of football, but I'm here to prove Cliff wrong.
Pre-game prediction: Bearcats 60-Rutgers 4.
(Note: I am a lifelong Bearcats fan, having attended their football games since I was nine. So there's the bias)
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