So close, yet...

This is when following baseball is the most difficult; when your team is merely inches away from a division lead or the wild card spot and you have to scan the day-by-day box scores to see if they can make up that one or two inches of ground by late September. In this case, the Cubs had a chance to take the NL Central lead heading into last night's matchup against the Phillies. They lost 4-1, but are now only a full game behind the Brewers and 1 1/2 behind the Wild Card spot. It looks more and more like the way to get into October will be going through a NL Central pennant. Regardless, the Cubs must take advantage of these next three games against the Phillies, as they host the Mets over the weekend, and suddenly, that one game back turns into four or five and we make a panic trade for shitty relief pitching (instead of making a smart trade for, you know, good relief pitching). And we don't want that to happen!

In other news, Brady Quinn is doing exactly what Matt Leinart did a year ago, and he's getting just as much bad press for it, too. Maybe he deserves it, but still...this is what the NFL gets for not knowing how to manage the first round of the NFL draft. I predict Quinn's agent Tom Condon cuts a deal similar to what Leinart had, 5-6 years at $40-50 million with about $15 million guaranteed. That's the going rate these days for franchise QBs.

(And Browns fans, Charlie Frye is NOT your franchise QB. Talk yourselves out of that immediatley.)

So THIS is what successful teams do!

A quick word on the Bears getting defensive tackle Darwin Walker from the Bills in exchange for a fifth-round pick...

SWEET.

I'd never heard of Walker until this afternoon, but doesn't mean I don't want to have his child. The Bears, already a great defensive team, got someone to cover the void Tank Johnson left for doing naughty things over the past year or so. So with Tommie Harris coming back healthy and Lance Briggs agreeing to at least one more year in Chicago, this ought to silence the doubters who thought the Bears' D would wilt after a disappointing Super Bowl and a rocky offseason, shouldn't it?

It's almost like there's a model for this kind of restructuring...

Probably the Only Arena Bowl Diary You'll Find On the Internet*

PICTURE FORTHCOMING. IN THE MEANTIME, PRETEND THESE ARE BOOBS.
(.)(.)

*This awesome title was shot out of the water when I saw Deadspin link to It's Still Football for their caffeinated entry. It's okay, though, because their mood was completely the opposite of mine while writing.

3 pm A nation holds its breath as Arena Bowl XXI get underwa…no, forget it, I’m not going to sugarcoat this thing, especially with Mike and Mike (Greenberg and Golic, in case you needed to know) hosting this thing, as I just discovered. But part of the mission of this young blog is to represent sports interests in Chicago and Columbus (and to a lesser extent, Ohio), and that’s why I’m throwing away my Sunday afternoon.

That’s not to say anyone’s interested in this game, though. The normally football-crazy Columbus hasn’t even had the Arena Bowl as its leading sports story this weekend; I’m not sure most of the news stations even have correspondents down in New Orleans. No matter, though, there are worse things to watch/do on a Sunday afternoon in the summer, as my crackling, P.O.S. TV gets ready for the team introductions.

3:07 After explaining to viewers the unique rules of Arena football, ABC cuts to a guy yelling in the San Jose locker room before going to commercial again. Smooth. They don’t even take this much time with regular season baseball games, what gives?

3:11 Columbus kicks off in front of the more apathetic crowds I’ve seen for a title game. Must be those corporate arena bowl packages that kill the sport and leave the true fans out in the cold.

3:14 During the opening San Jose drive Greenburg “allows” the audience to let the San Jose quarterback to call the play in the huddle. Golic lets the audience know he’ll interpret what each call means. That’s…okay, thanks though. The Sabercats (S.J.) opening up the scoring with a rushing TD.

3:18 Matt Nagy is the quarterback for the Destroyers, and he looks like he could kick Ben Roethlisberger’s ass. Two quick passes for first yards get Columbus moving, which is good because they’ll need to keep the strong S.J. defense off the field as often as possible.

(I’m just kidding; I only saw Arena Football for the first time two weeks ago, I have no fucking idea what’s going on.)

3:20 Greenberg just remarked how one of the great things about Arena Football is that fans get to keep the ball if it goes into the stands. What a fucking Communist. If Roger Goodell were running this league, that fan catching the ball would be automatically suspended four games before having to perform community service with the United Way. Destroyers drive to the two-yard line and then punch the ball on a running play, 7-7 game. Nagy looks very good early.

3:25 A commercial tells me to come to Louisiana for the great jazz scene. Until my deadbeat ex-roommate owns up and pays his water bill for our old house, jazz is dead to me, so no dice.

3:26 Really, the crowd at the game is making it difficult to enjoy doing this diary. It’s like they were given their tickets for free the night before or something, that’s how quiet they are. In a related story, I’m going to a WWE event in about a month at Nationwide Arena, if only to see if wrestling can truly survive one of its most disturbing moments in history.

3:28 Good things about AFL; a running time clock (even after scoring), receivers in forward motion pre-snap, and live mics. Unfortunately, the live mics haven’t been too noticeable because Mike and Mike feel the need to talk every single moment during the game. It’s like the ESPN football video game series with the two no-name announcers who spoke entire paragraphs on the simplest of rushing plays, you know? I noticed this when I watched them announce the Columbus/Georgia game two weeks ago and it grows old very fast. San Jose scores again to take a 14-7 lead.

3:33 I’m noticing how “lean” all the AFL players are and I just had an epiphany: this is what NFL players would look like if they weren’t on steroids! Whew, maybe HGH is a good thing after all. God knows they’re all cutting their lives short by 20-30 years, but at least they provide much more exciting football.

3:37 Mike and Mike talk about how “un-soft” the padded walls are before God rescues us from the inane conversation by ending the first quarter and taking us to commercial. Commercials are quite un-offensive thus far; no John Mellancamp, minimal Peyton Manning. We can handle this.

3:44 They finally make use of listening to the play in the huddle, and it’s pretty cool; it illustrates how little we mortals really know about football, when it all comes down to it. Meanwhile, San Jose commit three defensive penalties and but haven’t allowed a Columbus score yet.

3:45 But make that four penalties on San Jose now, yet Columbus still can’t punch it in. Fourth down and goal coming up…

3:46 WHAT A PLAY! Columbus lines their players up left but has a player sneak out to the right after the snap, where Nagy finds him wide open for an easy screen pass TD. Great call.

(BTW, Golic, please do not feel the need to guess what each play call in the huddle means, because each time you get it wrong you look that sillier, and already you’re hovering on being that Fox sports guy who tried predicting all those Boise State calls in the Fiesta Bowl and wound up looking like a complete idiot. Please Golic, do your fellow Irish proud.)

3:50 Nagy has potential to be a big cult hero in Columbus if he can pull this thing off. He was definitely a leader on that goal line stand just now…holllld up, some San Jose dude just returned a kick for a touchdown. They miss the extra point, however.

3:54 Joey Galloway shows up in the booth and reveals himself to be the part-owner of the Destroyers when he’s not rotting in Tampa Bay, waiting for a quarterback to get him the ball. This in turn leads to a photo of John Gruden’s kids (John Gruden has bred children????) holding up a sign asking where he is, because as you all know, missing a day of training camp in the NFL is like missing the birth of your child.

3:56 A great kickoff return is wasted when Nagy’s pass into the end zone is deflected and picked off. It’s only a six point lead (20-14), but San Jose has scored so quickly, it feels like a big advantage this early on.

3:59 Golic relates something about how he’s fat and can’t run the 40 as fast as the guys on the field, or something stupid. I’m getting tired already. It’s all the Mountain Dew I’m drinking. Personal foul on a Columbus defender for slamming a dude into the wall. Remember kids, these walls are tough. You wouldn’t wanna cross them in an alleyway.

4:02 San Jose is stifled, fourth down coming up. Golic: “Heard a ‘38’ in the huddle, so it must be a run…” You see, how the fuck do you know that? He was right, but still, it’s sooo annoying. Thank God Golic wasn’t working for CNN when baby Jessica was lifted out of the well, otherwise he’d tell us he heard the number “65” and he knew that meant they were going to save the baby, because he’s the professional and we’re all morons.

4:05 Touchdown, San Jose State. 27-14, and they’re on the brink of outpacing the Destroyers. A shoving match breaks out afterwards, as cameras cut to the San Jose coach, and he looks surprisingly like Lovie Smith. Hey, will there be special interest pieces on Sportscenter if he becomes the first black coach to win the Arena Bowl? There should be.

4:10 ABC shows image of how shitty the Lower Ninth Ward still is in New Orleans, and they have an amusing statistic in the damages done by Katrina: $70 billion in damages, $1.2 million in evacuees. More proof that if you’re poor and living in America, you’re just a statistic to Uncle Sam. Mike Greenberg goes on to make the bullshit proclamation of bullshit proclamations, saying that the citizens of New Orleans have embraced the Arena Bowl coming to town. That explains the Ritalin-induced crowd, right? What if the New Orleans Hornets actually win the NBA title, are they going to embrace that too? Please. I’d better start writing about football again. By the way, the AFL commissioner is really fat.

4:14 Now this is interesting: Columbus lines up their kicker in their own end zone on fourth down and have him do a field goal attempt, the idea being the ball is still live after it drops and it’ll give their defense good field position. Unfortunately, the kicker slips and the ball scrambles about ten yards down the field, giving the Sabercats amazing field position as we head into the final minute of the first half. Ouch.

4:17 While a guy that works with the Philadelphia Soul (it doesn’t look like Jon Bon Jovi, but I’m not taking any risks) is in the commentator booth, Columbus recovers a fumble and gets the ball back. AFL rules involve the last minute of each half being similar to how the NFL always stops the clock, thus it takes about five actual minutes to complete the final minute of the half/game.

4:19 Awesome live mic exchange between Nagy and the offensive coordinator; a good argument about the play and one bad word bleeped out. Nagy says he wants speed and he gets it in that Bush guy for the Destroyers (no it’s not Reggie, fuck Reggie) but the pass goes incomplete, yet there’s another defensive penalty by the Sabercats. Columbus has 16 seconds to make this a one-score game going into the half.

4:22 Nagy floats one to an open guy in near the middle of the field, but that receiver gets hammered and can’t hang onto the ball. A short gain a play later sets up a field goal opportunity. Unfortunately, field goals in AFL are difficult, and the Columbus kicker (Peter Martinez) looks exceedingly incompetent as he misses the kick and we head into halftime with the score being 27-14.

I’ll give the AFL this; when people know what they’re doing (players and coaches alike), it can be quite fun to watch. But the Sabercats defense should be thankful that Columbus couldn’t find an offensive spark in that second quarter because they really didn’t look like they were holding up well together.

The game’s good but it’s not the most exciting thing I’ve seen, and let’s face it, NFL athletes would destroy these two teams (albeit in a nice way, plus I’m convinced now that most NFL players take steroids). If the score becomes a 24-point deficit for the Destroyers, I’m gonna call it a day and do something more productive. I’m guessing most people won’t mind.

BTW, what is up with Suzy Kolber hosting NASCAR on ESPN? Do they introduce every NASCAR clip with Dale Earnhardt saying, “All I wanna do is race, Daddy”? Because they should. It probably won’t happen, but ESPN has the potential to kill NASCAR if they felt like it. Hey, they’ve already done it with hockey.

4:39 Third quarter starts and Columbus again gets bad starting field position. This is negated, however, by San Jose committing two penalties on the same play and giving Columbus a much needed offensive boost. How many penalties is that for San Jose, eight? That’s a lot when you consider how quickly these games move.

4:46 My TV is crackling and really irritating me, let’s see how much longer I can do this. Fourth and goal Columbus…they convert again on another great pass play! Nagy is exceptionally fun to watch and listen to. Greenburg then ruins this previous sentence by stating that Nagy has “regained his composure.” HE ALWAYS HAD HIS FUCKING COMPOSURE, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER! YOU WANNA BLAME SOMEBODY, BLAME THE COLUMBUS DEFENSE! Idiot.

4:48 Is it mean to call someone a cocksucker if he’s gay? Because I say that to people all the time regardless…

4:49 Come fall in love with Louisiana, all over again. That ad would be 8,000 times better if it featured Ted Turner dressed as Captain Planet, looking into the camera and saying, “Come to Louisiana or I’ll fucking kill you! CAPTAIN PLANEEEET!” (Outside the Star Wars episode, this is the most re-watchable Robot Chicken segment of all time.)

4:50 Golic continues to insult our intelligence, asking Nagy what they did to calm down at halftime. Never mind.

4:52 So is the San Jose coach actually coaching or doing his Art Shell impression? Not that it matters, his offense has driven towards the goal already in about five seconds. First and goal after a pass interference call for the Sabercats.

4:55 Yep, that was quick, 34-21 San Jose with the third quarter winding down. Columbus D must step up.

4:56 The EA Sports College Gameday commercial featuring Oklahoma stopping Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl is just plain wrong, as is the commercial featuring deadbeat dad Matt Leinart beating Texas in the Rose Bowl. I’m not sure how those kinds of commercials are supposed to help you sell your product, considering everyone loves Boise State these days and nobody loves Matt Leinart. But then, I’m not an evil monopolistic empire issuing the be-all and end-all of the video game world, so kudos to EA for eventually breaking our will to live. Cunts.

(On a side note, there will be college football previews coming up for Notre Dame and Ohio State. One of these teams has a great chance of going to another BCS game. The other has a great chance of finishing the season at .500. I’ll let you decide which is which.)

5:01 Another side note: Cubs 6, Reds 0. YES! I *might* have to make a trip to Great American Ball Park for the regular season finale in September, depending on what’s happening in the NL Central.

5:02 San Jose’s single-man pass coverage is quite impressive, as Columbus cannot complete a pass over 20 yards to save its life. If they were just tidier with the penalties this game would already be over.

5:03 Good grief, I didn’t even finish typing that last sentence when Columbus executes essentially the same play and the cornerback gets burned for a Destroyer passing TD. Martinez misses the extra point though! How can you do that??? 34-27 Sabercats, fourth quarter about to start.

5:07 I’m not sure if I could care less about Barry Bonds pursuing the home run record anymore. He has acted like such a jackass since the All-Star game. Oh, and then there’s his reputation before he called Bob Costas a midget.

5:08 This Sabercats offense is methodical; they complete an easy first down pass to the middle of the field.

5:10 Mike and Mike get so bored they start talking about their stock options. Seriously. BTW, San Jose is fucking expensive to live in, as shown in an extensive San Jose city profile. So where’s the Columbus city profile, bitches? Affordable living, plenty to do for young people, OSU football, Nationwide Insurance. Toss us a fucking bone, too. Meanwhile, the Sabercats inch towards the Destroyers goal line again.

5:12 Touchdown (like the eleventh of the afternoon), albeit he was probably down before crossing the line. The Sabercats start acting like they’ve already won the Arena Bowl. Fuck that.

5:17 Another interesting AFL rules wrinkle: multiple offside penalties in a half/game will eventually turn into 10-yard instead of 5-yard penalties. Well, that’ll learn San Jose. But in the meantime, Nagy makes a big error, throwing an off-balance bomb that gets picked off easily. Big turnover this late in the game.

(Btw, can this game be over now? This is enough Arena Football for one year, I’ve decided.)

5:24 Nothing of note happens for about ten minutes so I revert to playing Hearts on my computer. Seriously, I know I’ve written it two or three times now, but the lack of true fan involvement in this game does not translate well to television. Even the conference final game I saw two weeks ago had a half-full house of Georgia fans making as much noise as they could, and it was compelling stuff, but this? It feels like a high school state football championship on turf. San Jose scores again, lightening-quick this time, and a 48-27 score with 6 minutes to go means I’m wrapping this thing up soon—but not before cringing at the sight of a pre-made sports package highlighting all of Ohio’s championship failures in 2007, featuring the Buckeyes and Cavaliers. Fuck you assholes. The Midwest fucking rocks and you know it. I think Maynard James Keene summed up the West Coast best (and fuck it, the East Coast too) in that “Aenima” song by essentially saying “fuck West Coast lifestyle because it’s all fake bullshit,” and that’s the truth. I don’t know what I’m ranting about anymore—probably the fact that I’ve thrown away my entire afternoon blogging an Arena Football game, and I’m almost out of Mountain Dew.

5:30 Columbus keeps plugging at it, and San Jose still keeps giving up silly penalties. They’re extremely lucky their offense was unstoppable today. But then, the Destroyers take too long to score on offense, making too many incomplete passes, whereas the Sabercats just zoomed down the field in about a minute. Tough.

5:34 Give Nagy a ton of credit though; he completes another TD pass on fourth down. You can’t blame him for the deficit in this game, his defense did not back him up. One minute to go, praise the Lord. I have laundry to do.

5:37 Onside kick by Destroyers, and somehow Martinez doesn’t screw it up. San Jose recovers however, and we get set for the clock to run down. The outcome of the game was simply based on San Jose’s offense killing Destroyers, and I think stat lines are going to unjustly suggest Nagy is an inferior quarterback to, uh, whoever the Sabercats quarterback is, but that’s not the case. Nagy was like Brady Quinn against USC last year, shorthanded against a superior opponent. And as if to prove my point, the Sabercats score again, within the final minute. Fortunately a small melee breaks out at the end, which is always amusing, as the dozen or so Sabercats fans in the stands begin to celebrate.

5:41 MVP is Matt Grieb (that quarterback whose name I forgot), and he gets a Mitsubishi Spyder as a prize. It looks awesome, but it’s gonna break down a dozen times over the next year, so good luck with that, Matt! (I’d make fun of this more if I wasn’t driving the ’94 Volvo 850T from Hell.)

And we’re gonna finish it there. Arena Football: it’s football without steroids, true fans, good kickers, and good commentators. Good times!

You Have to Appreciate how Soriano is Almost Midget-Sized

In light of a rather slow Friday, allow me to marvel at the pint-sized athletic wonder that is Alfonso Soriano. I'm guessing he and Bob Costas are the same weight. Heh, imagine if some people (besides Soriano) played the game fairly? But then, I still have fond memories of Sammy Sosa, so writing that's being kind of hypocritical.

The Cubs got shellacked last night against the Cardinals, 11-1, but otherwise are wrapping up a fantastic July and are only two games behind the Brewers (and I think only one game out of the Wild Card spot). They travel to Cincinnati this weekend, who did the Cubs a favor last night by edging the Brewers 6-5. Not being in a city that hosts a major league team is definitely a downside to a Columbus--although it might make a trip to Jacobs Field that much easier.

Clear-cut Proof That Americans Can Learn From European Example

Like most Americans, I have never seen one bit of live Tour de France coverage, and I figured interest for the Tour this year would have to be its lowest since the pre-Lance era, given Floyd Landis' incredible fall from grace and his perpetual state of denial over his obvious cheating en route to victory last year.

Well, there still seems to be a decent amount of interest for the Tour in this country, but it's for all the wrong reasons. Cycling team Rabobank pulled Tour leader Michael Rasmussen from the race after he "was linked to 'incorrect' information that Rasmussen gave to the team's sports director over his whereabouts last month. Rasmussen missed random drug tests May 8 and June 28, saying he was in Mexico. But a former rider, Davide Cassani, told Denmark's Danmarks Radio on Wednesday that he had seen Rasmussen in Italy in mid-June." I was thinking real hard to make a joke about Danish people going to Italy, but there's nothing really funny about that, unfortunately. It's a shame Denmark can't be like, you know, an actual country. They're a poor man's Sweden when you factor in the Scandanavian roots.

Before I ramble too much, let me get to the point: the team, not the governing body of professional cycling (be it the International Cycling Union or whomever), dismissed its best rider on the very good chance that he was cheating, and did so while he was just days away from the finale in Paris. That's incredible! I almost wonder this kind of action is unprecendated--probably not in Europe, but most likely in this country. (Although I suppose T.O. being dismissed from the Eagles would count, but that wasn't for steroids, it was, you know, for being himself.)

Rick from Deadspin made a great observation about the breaking news under the "About Last Night" column, saying that kicking Rasmussen off the team is "kind of like suspending Bonds while he's rounding the bases." You know what? That is a fantastic idea. Picture the scenario: moments after Bonds hits #756, word reaches the Giants clubhouse that the slugger will be indicted the next day, and he is indefinitely suspended from baseball until a verdict is reached.

The problem is, Bud Selig would never, EVER have the cahoneys to pull that off. It's his critical flaw: whereas David Stern may come off as too aggressive, Selig seems about as indecisive and passive as you could get as an executive leader in the public eye (and he'd look much worse if not for Gary Bettmann). The 2002 All-Star Game was a perfect metaphor for Selig's inability to make strong and clear decisions on major issues throughout his tenure: unable to take a stand against Donald Fehr, unable to speak out clearly on steroids in the game (until the federal government intervened), unable to decide whether he should show up to see Bonds break the home run record.

Another news bit making the Internet rounds this morning is this LA Times article in which Bonds calls Bob Costas a "midget" as a result of Costas interviewing Curt Schilling and "the clear" chemist Patrick Arnold. As you can guess, Schill and Arnold don't say the most pleasant things about Barry. Then again, no one has nice things to say about Barry anymore.

Bud Selig, do the right, decisive thing: make like Hank Aaron and blow off Barry. Fox already did a great job lionizing him during this year's All-Star Game (and boy was that disgusting), and there's no need to do it again.

Who knows? Maybe after this whole mess is finished, Bonds will fade into the same limbo where Mark McGwire presently dwells. We certainly won't miss him.

Why Michael Vick Shouldn't Be Hanged or Electrocuted by PETA's Loyal Nazis Just Quite Yet

(photoshop originally found on deadspin.com. If you've never heard of Deadspin, I'm surprised you somehow found this site first)

--------------------

Killing animals is cruel. It is not, however, inhumane, as dogs are not humans.

::big grin::

Okay, let's get serious: not in in a million years would I ever condone those who think that dogfighting is a sensible lifestyle. From an outsider's perspective, this lifestyle thrives solely on propelling the image of a "bad boy," transforming an owner/trainer's persona into one that seems larger-than-life and more influential to those around him. Then again, it could be that dog fight organizers get a really sick thrill out of watching animals fight each other violently, then subjecting the loser to torture and macabre methods of execution--according to what I've read, it is possible to electrocute and/or hang a dog (part of me wants to know how that's done, it sounds harder than it probably is).

So there you go: every dog is sacred. Don't fucking kill them.

Now then, Michael Vick has been indicted for competitive dog fighting and for training dogs to fight each other, as well as making the operation an interstate issue. On paper he looks like toast; there's been carcasses found all over his estate in Virginia, there's alleged evidence of Vick giving thousands of dollars in winnings to other dog owners, and worst of all, the business he's allegedly connected to is named Bad Newz Kennels. I'm guessing that when some random federal investigator was assigned to track down underground dog fighting operations in America and saw the name "Bad Newz Kennels" in the Yellow Pages, he might have raised an eyebrow. The thing I love best about this name is that they were all about the "z" in "Newz" but left the "s" in "Kennels" as is. It's like they wanted to be "bad" enough for young America but respectable enough for corporate America. I think this is what Bill Simmons thinks of when he writes about unintentional comedy.

Right now, Vick looks toasted on the investigation. Then again, Kobe Bryant looked like toast during that press conference in 2003 when was bald and crying next to his hot, barely legal wife. The Duke lacrosse players seemed left for dead when Satan's favorite D.A., Mike Nifong, vowed to bring "justice" to the mean streets of Durham. As one of my heroes Michael Wilbon mentioned recently, the Duke lacrosse case reminded us about the dangers of jumping to conclusions.

Why then, is it so easy to jump to conclusions with Mike Vick? Probably because a case of this magnitude couldn't come at a worse time for an NFL player. Roger Goodell has essentially made it a prerogative to eradicate any kind of "thug" culture the NFL may have, as David Stern embarked upon after the Pistons-Pacers melee a few years ago. We all know the cases by now: Chris Henry has been dealt a final warning through this eight-game suspension, and Tank Johnson and Pac-Man Jones (By the way, I never felt Pac-Man deserved an eighth of the media attention he gets; is he even one of the top ten cornerbacks in the league? Please!) will likely never play in the NFL again. Goodell has been mostly supported by colleagues and writers for the stance he takes against the league's most grievous offenders. However, some of these punishments have been the result of connection with a player's wrongdoing, rather proven commitment of a crime--I wouldn't go as far as writing "guilty until proven innocent," but we could go down that path with Vick.

What if Vick's attorney(s) are able to prove that a dog-fighting operation was being run without his knowledge and/or approval? Forget how far-fetched that seems in reality, it's still a possibility. If Vick is absolved of any wrongdoing in this case--and again, I realize I'm reaching here, but as of July 25, 2007, we don't know all the facts yet--what does the NFL do then? Issue an apology to Vick and his representatives? Issue an apology to Joey Harrington for getting his ass kicked in the regular season? That would become a big, big issue for Goodell's staff and the way they assess crime and punishment in the NFL. Goodell has ordered Vick to stay away from training camp until the NFL determines whether the quarterback violated the league's Personal Conduct Policy (which I willingly admit I know nothing about). Training dogs to kill and then electrocuting them, I'm guessing, probably violates this policy--but how does the NFL determine that without the federal government figuring it out first??? How can the NFL independently determine what involvement Vick had with the operation? Do they create a punishment based upon assumption? That's where I scratch my head with the league's treatment of one of its biggest stars.

Yes, in the real world, if a lawyer at a big shot firm or a banker at Morgen Stanley get indicted for a felony (dog fighting seem unlikely, but narcotics possession seems like a good bet), he or she would probably either fired or given a leave of absence until the legal process is concluded. The NFL ain't the real world, boys and girls. It's a collection of three hundred pound, testosterone-driven athletes who treat each Sunday like the difference between life and death. Media and fans alike have transformed the league from an entertaining weekend getaway into the wealthiest sport in America and a definition of the cities we live in (and I should know; I lived in Cincinnati for 15 years, and it sucked). These "employees" don't belong to private entities, they belong to the public eye on TV and in front of the thousands of fans that come to these games, many of those fans making huge investments in season tickets and team merchandise. If you take away one of your big stars from the public eye, but then discover he was never in the wrong, what's your next move? Be very careful how far you go, Mr. Goodell.

--------------------

Follow-ups:

• So yeah, don't draft Vick until the 12th or 13th round in FFL this year, if at all.


• Which reminds me, how in the hell was Lamont Jordan a consensus top-ten pick a year ago? Last year was the first time I did FFL and even I realized this was completely wrong. Did anyone ever do a case study on this?


• One more FFL mention; I'm looking for extra teams in a league I'm managing, email me if you're interested.


• If Peyton Manning ever got indicted for [insert crime], how would Goodell react?


• And finally, I probably don't need to remind most you about this, but PETA is about as backwards an organization as you will find that this country. I won't give anything away, but rent some DVD's of Penn and Teller's Bullshit!, look for the PETA episode, and watch the truth unravel before your eyes.

Work finishes in a half hour and I can't think of anything to write

But I will say this: I need to get back to writing more. I'm a graduate student at the Ohio State University working on two music degrees, and as fun and rewarding as a life in music is, it takes up a huge amount of time in my day, especially when school's in session. Seriously, the only reason I'm able to write this first post is because it's a slow day at my temp job.

The purpose of "Ohio Head, Chicago Heart" is to give me a place where I can speak openly about sports. Obviously there's going to be a larger focus on such things as the Cubs, Buckeyes and Notre Dame (my undergrad), but there'll be plenty of time to complain about other things too, such as why benching Mike Vick for getting indicted is essentially treating him guilty until proven innocent.